Americans do some things very differently!

I have lived in the homes of at least 25 American families & it still amazes me how certain things are done very differently in USA (as compared to us in India).

[1] Electric switches in that country need to be pushed "up" to be switched ON [2] the traffic moves on the right side of the road [3] stepneys (spare tyres) in the cars are smaller than the other four tyres [4] almost all drivers will STOP & then proceed at intersections even when they can see nobody coming in from any direction [5] people will smilingly wave their hands at perfect strangers [6] they will use the Internet to find out any & every thing including the time at which the next city bus will arrive in front of their house situated on one of those non-descript streets [7] pedestrians can themselves switch on the "red" traffic light before crossing the road [8] every floor of a hotel has an ice cube machine - the cubes are copiously used [9] one drinks water straight from the tap - in hotels one is advised to do so from the tap in the wash basin -something which Indians can never digest [10] ordinary corn flakes are eaten without sugar [11] people actually believe in weather forecasts and act accordingly [12] the country uses FPS (ounces, pounds, miles, Fahrenheit) system even today [13] handicapped people can automatically get into and out of city buses sitting on their wheelchairs (with a mechanised platform that moves in and out of the bus and which is controlled by the driver through an electric switch) [14] city buses and some trains have a special facility to load bicycles inside or in a rack in the front of the bus [15] when new born babies are transported back home from the hospital, the parents have to buy a special seat and learn how to strap the baby inside that - parents are actually not allowed to carry the baby home without the nurse certifying that they are adept at this [16] presidential election results in a particular state are declared even when voters in another part of the country are yet to vote [17] public libraries lend latest books and CDs absolutely free of cost- you just have to produce a proof of residence.

All these however pale into insignificance compared to the system that is prevalent to handle death in a family. I once stayed in the house of a "funeral director" and what I learnt there remains etched in my memory - so different it is to what we are used to...

(1) One has to obtain a licence to function as a funeral director and have enough working space in the office to embalm and store dead bodies in a mini - morgue (refrigerated facility).

(2) A funeral director is like a "turn key" service provider who takes care of everything related to a funeral like (a) booking a burial place; (b) selling coffins and inside linen - these are available at widely differing price according to the quality and workmanship; (c) transporting the dead body from the place of death (usually a hospital) to his office; (d) carrying out the functions of a mortician (beautifying dead bodies);(e) arranging the funeral procession including the priest; (f) arranging the meal that follows the funeral, and other related activities.

(3) Given the family system prevalent in USA, an old couple usually approaches a funeral director to sort of do an "advance booking" for their own deaths. They pay the necessary charges to ensure that somebody (remember their sons and daughters are not staying with them) starts all processes after their death. I was told that the number of cremations in USA is increasing and therefore the funeral director also has to offer this facility to his clients and this includes handing back the urn containing the ashes of the deceased.

(4) Contrary to what we do, a dead body is not brought to the residence of the concerned person (once again probably because there is no one at home). The funeral director's work really starts from here. On receiving information, he arranges for the body to be picked up and brings it to his mini morgue where it is embalmed for long preservation.

(5) Close relatives are then contacted to fix a suitable date for the funeral. My "funeral director host" told me of a peculiar case when one of the dead person's sons was out of America on a vacation with his family and wanted the funeral to be fixed only after about 15 days because he did not want to abort his vacation. I could not think of anything even remotely similar to what happens in India. The mini-morgue is also necessary to take care of such situations

(6) The family of the dead person then sends his or her best clothes to the funeral directors' office so that the dead person can be made to look at his best. The mortician now takes over and beautifies the dead person (lipstick, rouge, face - powder, hair neatly combed, a three piece suit, necktie, etc). All this has to be ready well before the funeral.

(7) The funeral director then makes all arrangements for the funeral procession on the decided date - he provides the special van to carry the dead body in the coffin. The job is really completed when the coffin is finally lowered into the grave.

(8) The meal that follows brings the whole process to its conclusion.


I am not sure if anyone of us would like to die in USA.

Can suicidal terrorists ever be controlled effectively?

I watched (on TV) the events of last week at Mumbai with increasing disbelief, horror and a sense of doom until I was engulfed with helpless depression. I hated the shrill tone of the "breaking news - reader" but couldn't stay away from it. I've never felt more guilty - having dinner while watching TV. Try and imagine a guy bursting through the door of
your dining room and spraying everyone with bullets - even the thought is terrifying.

A week later, everyone including my vegetable vendor (सब्जीवाला ) seems to have become an expert on how terrorists could be contained. Solutions to the present problems are being formulated at paan -kiosks (पानठेला ) in about five minutes. There is "sound" advice for everyone - Obama, Manmohan Singh, Zardari, Osama, Vilasrao, both the Patils and for anyone else who wanted it. Much before it was published, our cook told us how some hidden RDX had still not been located and how 3 or 4 terrorists had still not been accounted for and how the whole drama could be repeated. Reams are of course being written by experts and simpletons alike on how this was a systemic failure and about actions that needed to be taken to prevent a recurrence.

Can any nation stop suicidal terrorists bent upon creating mayhem - I don't think so! In hindsight, it is easy to say that all warnings should have been heeded. Most of us would have protested, had each "red alert" (which probably turned out to be nothing) delayed even as mundane an event as our reaching office or home. Statistically, there are bound to be more false alarms in this business, but even one major event like what happened at Mumbai would throw us back into paroxysms of fear and harsh criticism of those who manage these things. But surely we need to create a system which makes it hell of a lot more difficult for those rogues from holding us at ransom like they did last week.

• I think it should be mandatory for home ministers at the state and central level to be army or police professionals. There is no need to tolerate nincompoops who adorn that chair only because of their loyalty to other nincompoops. In fact, even the finance and defence ministers should compulsorily be professionals. Let the party in power find such persons and get them elected.
• The incumbents for these ministerial posts [home, defence, finance] should face a televised interview from a parliamentary committee comprising of MPs and experts before they are confirmed in their jobs. Come to think of it, we do not select even Managing Directors without a grilling interview but gladly accept these minister - managers [who control hundreds and thousands of times larger assets that those MDs and CEOs] just like that. Let us hear from an incumbent home minister what strategies (other than abiding by whatever 10 , Janpath says) he plans to employ, to keep us safe.
• Let us have compulsory military training (before graduation) for one year for all youth. Mukesh Ambani has hit the nail on the head. Government will get a large resource to deploy for disaster management and / or surveillance and the young ones, a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity to discipline themselves. Many of these recruits will surely get attracted towards making a career in the army or police.
• Let us thoroughly modernise our police force. I read somewhere that in the last decade, more policemen have died in course of duty than the number of army - men and that on an average 2/3 policemen die everyday. Let us give them the best equipment, higher salaries, substantial insurance and anti terrorism training. Let not any sanctioned post lie vacant in their organisation structure. Let the money for all this come from less important things like travel subsidies or even a small "terror surcharge" on each commercial transaction (much like the Bangladesh refugee tax). On the flip side let us ease out those pot bellied, good for nothing मुन्सीजी (policemen).
• Let batallions of NSG be stationed at strategic places so that every corner of India is reachable in maximum two hours.
• Let's instill discipline in ourselves. Let us (a) not break red lights; (b) not display our connections to higher ups when caught violating a law; (c) understand the importance of time; (d) improve our concepts of public hygiene; (e) reduce our indifference towards what is publicly good; (f) not curse policemen doing their duty [like implementing naka-bandi (नाकाबंदी) for example]; the list is really endless.

If you think this belt-tightening is uncomfortable, just imagine you are sitting in that restaurant and visualise the "thud" of each bullet as it passes through your body.