Unusual Surveys & Bizarre information

In the last six months we have run (on this blog) four opinion polls on various issues. I am sharing these results with you, today. The number of respondents has varied between 55 and 80 for each of these polls – so the results may not really be statistically significant. This lack of quantity has however amply been compensated by the high IQ of readers of CLEAR FUNDAS. The results (published later in reverse chronological order) surely provide a lot of “food for thought”.

But before that, I wanted to share some interesting and entertaining information that some other surveys (information obtained from WORKMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY USA) have thrown up. I am sure you will enjoy reading this. [Comments in brackets at the end of the paragraphs are mine].

(A) Tools of the trade: Folks in the 1920s looking to improve their vigor and sexual performance were helped by the Electro Thermal Company of Stubenville, Ohio and the GHR Electric Dialator Company of Grand Rapids, Michigan. These companies successfully marketed the Thermalaid & the G-H-R Electric Dialator, respectively. Both of these devices were narrow medical rods attached to power sources. They were designed to be placed in the rectum – to warm the prostate and stimulate the “abdominal brain”. Life was surely rough in those pre-Viagra days. [We have made so much progress today that I understand we are soon going to have “Viagra” eye drops so that people could take a good hard look at issues.]

(B) Foreign accent syndrome: This is a rare medical disorder that usually occurs as a side effect of severe brain injury. Patients with a stroke or other head injury are left speaking their own native language with a foreign-sounding accent. One of the first and more widely known cases was reported in 1941, when a Norwegian woman suffered a brain injury after a shrapnel-wound during a World War II air raid. She experienced severe language problems but eventually recovered, speaking with a perceived German accent. Unfortunately, adding insult to injury, this did not endear her to her neighbours and she was ostracized by her community. [Though the reverse of a hypothesis is never true, could we say that those who speak in a contrived foreign accent must be suffering from maybe an invisible “injury in the head?”].

(C) The Lap (top) dance: According to a study in sexuality research and social policy, women who meet men online seem to be more likely to have sex on their first date. The study surveyed 568 women who said they’d go out with a man they met on the Internet. The authors of the study postulate that the “high frequency and intensity of e mail communication prior to meeting in person cultivated acceleration of intimacy for the individuals involved. [And I always thought that geeks who spent hours on the computers could never “win” against those “smart” guys who preened themselves to become sure winners amongst girls]

(D) A Computerised expression: How many times have we had to tell a telephone caller to call later because the concerned person was in the “toilet”? The computer nerds have now developed a “modern” expression for the same. It goes something like this. Can I ask him to call you back – “he’s downloading some brownware just now” [I am reminded of what Bob Hope once said – “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom]

(E) What’s the fastest growing hair on your body?

Head hair 0.35 mm per day
Facial hair 0.30 mm per day
Underarm hair 0.30 mm per day
Pubic hair 0.20 mm per day
Eyebrows 0.16 mm per day

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And now for the results of polls on CLEAR FUNDAS

Poll 4

What would be your reaction to the paid ad campaign on 800 buses in UK by British Humanist Association that says "There's probably no GOD! Now stop worrying & enjoy your life"

I'm not concerned. It's their money and their idea 36%
This should be reported to authorities as an ad in bad taste 05%
The ad hurts my religious feelings & should be removed 05%
No ads either in favour or against GOD should be allowed 16%
I endorse the statement. Atheism is not a crime 38%
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Poll 3

Which according to you, will substantially Improve India’s ability to take on terrorism?

Quick trial & capital punishment to guilty 22%


Home & Defense ministers should be professionals
from army/police 16%


Place elite commandos at multiple locations to enable

reaching any part of India in 2 hours 10%

Compulsory one year military training for all youth 19%
Equip police with latest weapons 33%
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Poll 2

Which should benefit India the most?

Uniform civil code for all religions 20 %
Full computerization of land records 13 %
Reduction of massive backlog in court cases 17 %
Quick, exemplary punishment to the corrupt 32 %
Strict implementation of one - child norm 09 %
Strong measures to reduce superstitions 09 %

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Poll 1

Which according to you will be the most effective way of reducing political corruption in India???

Audit accounts of a political party and tax the surplus 16%
Extend full/part tax exemption to donations to political parties by cheque 04%


Add "none of the above" in ballot papers & if this wins, bar all candidates
from contesting for next five years 28%


Give voters the right to recall an earlier elected MLA / MP 20%

Divide the police department into "Law & Order" and "crime investigations"
with the latter headed by a professional with no political master 32%

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Pramod Muthalik - our saviour!

Pramod Muthalik of Sri Ram Sena has undoubtedly become an instant hero in the country. All that he did to receive about 30000 pieces of brand new pink lady-underwears was to call a press conference and announce that St. Valentine was India’s biggest cultural enemy & that women can’t go to pubs in Hindu India. Many businessmen are marveling at this simple technique to raise seed capital from the market – you can’t scoff at 30000 underwears worth about Rs 20 lacs. A delegation of All India Pink Underwear Manufacturers Association has reportedly requested Muthalik to continue his campaign well after Feb 14th – they all believe this is working out much better than any financial package announced by the government to tackle recession. Sensing a great business opportunity, manufacturers of lipsticks, noodle strap blouses, bikinis & other “corrupting” feminine cosmetics (all of which are symbols of depravity that threaten the भारतीय नारी ) have requested the protesting women’s groups to change the underwear agenda and appeal to their members to hereafter send some of these other offending articles to Mr. Muthalik. The Ram Sena in the meantime, has declared that they will be donating all underwears to inmates of poor people homes – I wonder how those women will recognize which piece belongs to whom from a large number of similar looking pink underwears hanging on the clothesline.

Recognizing the enormous potential of this idea that does not use any government resources to stimulate the economy, the Indian Manufacturers Association recently held an all-India quiz to generate innovative ideas to provide Mr. Muthalik more issues to continue a relentless campaign against all enemies of Indian culture. I am reproducing herewith the five prize winning entries.

[1] Blowing off candles on birthdays will be banned because extinguishing a burning lamp [जलती हुई ज्योत] of any kind is inauspicious. (All manufacturers of electric bulbs are rubbing their hands in glee as switching off a bulb is culturally acceptable).

[2] The pornographic carvings at Khajuraho can be viewed only by couples who show an authenticated copy of their marriage registration certificate. Those who cannot produce this will be instantly married off, there itself.

[3] Saying “good morning” or “good evening” etc will be considered culturally incorrect. Suitable local alternatives will have to be used with immediate effect.

[4] All married Hindu women must wear a RED kumkum & a mangalsutra with the requisite number of black beads. Husbands of those women who do not do this will be beaten up to instantly prove the bad effects of not wearing these.

[5] Consumption of Coke & Pepsi will be banned. “Cowpee” the new health drink, introduced by RSS and made from cow – urine will be the only cold drink available throughout the country.

Mr. Muthalik is reported to have appealed to all Indian parents to allow at least one male child from the family to join the Ram Sena. He further said that he required many hands to help him implement this important national agenda of preventing our great Indian culture from getting corrupted.